I once again reach that time of the year where you will find me skulking around the darkened corners of Edward Boyle library. With all the grace of a baby elephant I stalk, looking for a free computer, or glaring until someone leaves. I interrupt my day with constant breaks of eating sweets, sticking Haribo to my eyes, making Francine laugh, and short bursts of Angry Birds. I was today asked:
“Do you do any work or do you just wander around the library all day”.
In short no…… the mere fact of being in the library manages to trick my head into thinking that I am doing work. In reality the time I spend in between my breaks is taken up by looking at things I cannot afford, drawing pokemon, and playing ‘spot the hotty.’ Unfortunately for the Level 10 computer cluster today’s offerings of ‘hotties’ were slim pickings. So the topic of all my current beavering is the issue of the Royal Family, as British as tea and cucumber sandwiches you could say. It is hard to imagine a Britain without the Royals, despite the arguments I feel that if they were abolished we would face a massive hole. For a start who’s face would go on the stamp, and what would we do with Buckingham Palace? All that room could be put to use as a safari park for the Aristocracy, observing them in their natural habitat.
If the Royals were abolished, then please send some of the money my way. Ironically the first thing I would like to purchase is a ‘Diana’ camera. I saw one on ebay, but my offer of £30 under the asking price did not go down well with the seller. I can see a promising new career in photography aslong as my chubby fingers don’t block the lense. There is something about using a reel of old film or and old camera that can instantly transport you back in time. Other possible careers I have contemplated while procrastinating from my essay are : ‘Paul Burrell’, ‘Kate Middleton’s footman’, and ‘Royal Correspondent.’ I can easily pull of the Jennie Bond of standing in front of Buckingham Palace in a pastel coloured trouser suit, gushing my love for the royal family, whilst the monarchy crumbles. I sometimes wish we could go back to the times of Henry VIII when the Royals were much more interesting: heads on spikes, headless wives, public hanging, eating swans. History back then just seems much more exciting than now. What I wouldn’t give to grab a bag of popcorn and go to public hanging, rather than be subjected to another ‘Step-Up’ film.
So after all my extensive (2 days worth) reading, what are my conclusions? The monarchy, outdated or institutional? In my eyes all the sex and scandal just make it more interesting, the historians will have a field day teaching the lives of Charles and Diana to the children of the future; who will play them in a film, an aged Robert Patterson and Hilliary Duff ? They may cost a lot of money, but they make for some excellent news stories and comedy fodder. My auntie in Australia does a wonderful Charles/Di impression, it is hard to distinguish which she is better at. They have the ability to crash cars, dress as Nazis, flaunt racism, even get accused of being an alien race…oh it is a Royal life! For the future, well the prospect that Prince Charles will soon rule the country is one of mixed emotions. He certainly has rather big shoes to fill to live up to the success of his mother. My new idea is bring Philip in as King, with Boris Johnson as his top advisor, then watch the hilarity roll in; If this option fails then the only king that I want to see ruling in future is ‘The Burger King.’ As for the Queen, I like Queen Liz, but she isn’t a patch on Freddie Mercury- GOD REST HIS BONES.