Never feed a dog chocolate while he wears a tin foil hat in the microwave

There you have been warned, dog’s and microwaves do not mix. Sorry for my randomness, but it fits my mood; I am feeling childish. Today has been a day of nostalgia, reminiscence,and deja-vu; a trip down memory lane to being a child. We are now on only day 3 of filming our TV projects, but it feels like it has consumed our lives; my dreams of a cosy lie in were cut short by the harsh vibrations of my phone on the cheap Ikea side table. Cat reminded me that we would be filming today, there along with my nice dreams went my plans of a quiet day. Although this is the 3rd day it feels like our entire week has been devoured by it; I have dragged camera equipment all across Yorkshire, resembling some kind of hunchback; today I almost gave up, how I longed to throw the tripod on the floor and have a tantrum right there in the middle of town. Like a city drone I have spent the week commuting to interviews, money pouring down the drain as we have kept taxis on speed dial, flitting from one postcode to the next. However,I will admit this is the most fun filming in a long time; at the Vue cinema I tried to stage the shot of a spilled popcorn box for my ‘One Show’ style piece. I snuck my bag of  Sainsbury’s bought popcorn in and scooped it into an empty box we pilfered, then we took it a deserted corner of the carpark and attempted one of the most ridiculous shots I have ever seen. Time after time the wind would whip the box in the air, forcing me to dash around scooping popcorn off the floor back and looking like a starving tramp. Francine was most disgusted as I ate the odd piece, my defence was the 10 second rule. Today we returned to ‘Meanwood Valley Urban Farm,’ this time….it was personal! I stood in a muddy field, hood up, scowling at the grey drizzle falling on my head; Cat had attempted to bribe us with the ‘Marks and Spencer’s‘ sandwiches, my mood lifted slightly as I made a dash for the beef and horseradish. My mood, like the weather, improved further, as in town there was some kind of ‘Milka’ chocolate festival. I became a child again as I stood in the queue surrounded by children in card ‘cow horn’ hats; in the distance Cat and Francine laughed, but I would have the last chocolatey laugh, munching down my two free bars.

As I write this I am delving into my past, pulling all my old pictures off my memory stick, attempting to make room for uni work. I miss the joy of sitting in fields and getting drunk until the sky begins to blur, when we used to hang out at the local locks like the chavs we secretly were; these were the days where 4 Bacardi Breezers would just about do me… how times have changed. The memory stick is ironically filled with memories, sadly most of my pictures are cringeworthy Myspace pictures in emo poses; I laugh at simpler times when pokemon was cool, my hair went curly blonde, and I could go much longer without shaving. Tonight I will stand in the mirror and rip the black cactus off my face with two sharp blades, then in the morning admire the blotchy red massacre left behind. I remember at Christmas my brother tried to blag that he shaved daily; I looked up at baby face and frowned, I had seen more hair on a newborn baby. The only place my brother could possibly shave daily is the slug-like monobrow crawling across his forehead! I have been forced to hide my razor from him, along with any other toiletries I hold dear; he will come downstairs with his hair flicked up, caked in my Shockwaves matt clay and stinking of MY eau de toilette. The feeling of deju vu is once again descending on me; our family holiday with my dad is approaching, that means more sharing with my brother, more hiding my things, more awkward silences disguising our hatred, and more family bonding. I am sure he has stolen one of my tops on my last visit home, it has been strangely absent of late.

I rekindled my love for retro gaming today, reminded of the simpler games: ‘The Sims’,’Theme Park World,’ ‘Theme Hospital;’ I searched the internet looking for the classis. I have recently bought ‘The Sims 3,’ but it isn’t quite the same, seeing two pixelated characters having sex doesn’t have the same thrill to it anymore, also the graphics send my computer back to the stoneage. Evevntually I found a copy of ‘Theme Hospital’ that would work on my computer; it had installed and loaded before I even knew it, not like the old Windows 98 where you could write a small book in the time it would have taken the time to do that. Does anyone remember ‘Theme Hospital?’ You run a hospital where the patients have odd diseases like ‘bloaty head syndrome,’ or are invisible,an accurate portrayl of the real world. I am glad that my local GP will be able to treat my ‘bloaty head syndrome,’ just as long as they have played ‘Theme hospital.’ The graphics chugged and made my screen flash every so often, so it remains to see if I have installed a virus on my computer just for the sake of nostalgia; it is worth it I say. I am seriously tempted to take my laptop to uni just so I can play ‘Theme Hospital’ whilst editing; I can feel a repeat of ‘Mario Galaxy’ addiction coming on here, however this leads onto a great saying in  life from an amazing film: “Rule #32- Enjoy the little things” (Zombieland 2009)


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